Apart from offering social benefits, having a healthy friendship circle is an important part of maintaining your mental and emotional health.
“Humans are highly social beings,” says Martinus Claasen, a psychologist in Gqeberha. “As a result, we have created elaborate and complex social structures that, by being embedded within them, provide our lives with a sense of meaning and the impetus to act in accordance with the chosen roles we occupy in society.” In other words, we need our mates.
“I like to be around people that I can trust and that always have my back,” says Clicks BroNation Correspondent Lawrence Wilson. “Life can be difficult at times so you need someone to talk to, or someone that is just there to listen. Having someone in your corner helps.”
Digital disconnect
Spending extended time online can make you think that real-life friends aren’t necessary. That’s because digital devices, tech innovations and social media platforms provide us with attention-grabbing pastimes that appeal to our dopaminergic system with minimal effort.
Claasen explains it this way: When you’re in a dopamine-deficit state, you may find it too much of an effort to maintain a conversation with a friend that’s seated across from you at the table. So, you can feel isolated while still in the company of others as you constantly check your phone, engage in multiple digital conversations that are characterised by brief exchanges of sentences and photos and a regular feed of notification pings that produce a feeling of reward, or social significance, that surpasses that of conversing with the person(s) in front of you.
Having a circle of good friends is known to increase life expectancy and improve mental health. Having friends and confidantes plays a critical role in our health and wellbeing, regardless of gender. According to a National Library of Medicine study, people with more social connections are less depressed, have lower blood pressure, and live up to 22 percent longer.
“I think It is important to be around people who help you grow as an individual, and that motivate you to be a better version of yourself,” says Wilson.
Be a friend
American poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emmerson once said, “the only way to have a friend is to be one”. So if you want friends that show up for you, then you need to do the same.
“It’s important to check up on your friends when life gets too busy,” Wilson says. “Even if it is a message on WhatsApp or social media, or a random call.”
Showing up looks different in every friendship, but it could mean:
- Calling to wish your friend a happy birthday.
- Texting to ask how they’re doing after a messy break up or a big presentation.
- Being available to celebrate special occasions (and sharing your memorable moments).
- Going for a jog together.
Fixing friendships
Neglecting your friendships can result in growing apart or the friendship fizzling out. If you realise that you’re guilty of this, you can still try to make amends. Classen suggests contacting your friend and leading with an apology and an honest explanation of why you’ve been distant or isolated yourself from the friendship.
In turn, be prepared to listen to your friend telling you what impact your behaviour had on them. “A mark of a worthwhile friendship is the ability to have such testing conversations and have it elevate the friendship to a higher level”.
If you’re looking to make new friends, consider joining a club that is founded on a common love of a recreational activity. “There is no better way than to put yourself out there. When starting conversations with others, be attentive to them, be curious, ask questions that will allow you to get to know them better. Few people will appreciate it if you, a stranger, is talking unsolicitedly, only about yourself,” concludes Claasen.
Disclaimer: The comments provided by Martinus Claasen are for psychoeducational purposes and express his personal thoughts, views and opinions. They should not be construed as therapy nor as thoughts, views or opinions that are representative of the profession of psychology as a whole. In addition, these comments are given in a general sense and may not apply to everyone's experience with social media and technology platforms, as every person's experience is unique.
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