If you’ve recently had a diagnosis of infertility, it’s common to feel shocked and overwhelmed – partly at the possibility of missing out on a life experience, or letting your partner or family down (all those hints about grandchildren), but also because many men see it as a form of failure, of being imperfect, of not being fully a man, in the stereotypical view of some in society, says Johannesburg clinical psychologist Lusanda Cebekhulu.
Infertility patients experience “a tremendous amount of emotional turmoil as the result of their diagnosis”, reports a study in the journal Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience. These include “distress, depression, anxiety and decreased quality of life”.
Some men turn inwards, isolate, and repress feelings, which may at times erupt in unhealthy ways, says Cebekhulu.
Ironically, high stress can feed into the problem of infertility, with growing evidence to suggest that it negatively affects the quality of semen, and it’s a common factor in erectile dysfunction.
But there are things you can do to combat stress and cope better as you seek help with a fertility specialist or explore alternatives such as surrogacy or adoption.
1. Acknowledge your emotions
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and to cry. Be open with your partner, sharing your frustrations and fears. You are in this together, says Cebekhulu. If you find this hard, talk to a third party – a doctor, counsellor or support group (through the likes of the Infertility Awareness Association of SA, a non-profit that supports those living with reproductive health issues).
2. Take control
In addition to finding and consulting a fertility specialist, read up on the topic on reputable sites (those of universities and fertility clinics). Knowledge is empowering and acting on it can help dispel feelings of hopelessness. Also block out noise: “It’s important to filter out other people’s opinions and family pressure around having children by a certain period, as this adds to the feelings of inadequacy which may have developed,” Cebekhulu says.
3. Prioritise your physical well-being
Eating a healthy, balanced diet with plenty of vegetables, lean protein, wholegrains and limited processed foods and saturated fats, getting regular exercise and enough sleep, and quitting smoking, excessive alcohol and any recreational drugs, will give you the best chance at achieving fertility – or of coping with infertility in constructive, positive ways and moving ahead.
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