You’ve been told all your life to keep it together. To ‘man up’. To hold it in and carry on, no matter what’s happening beneath the surface. But here’s the truth that’s finally starting to break through the noise: strength isn’t about never needing help. It’s about knowing when to reach for it.
For too long, many South African men have believed that admitting to a mental health struggle is a sign of weakness. According to the South African Federation for Mental Health, that belief often leads men “down a path of destructive behaviours”. The result is a silent crisis. South Africa ranks 10th in the world for suicide rates, with men facing an alarming rate of 37.6 per 100 000. And in 2019, the country recorded 10 861 male suicides compared to 2 913 among women.
The stigma is real. But so is the courage it takes to defy it.
For Brent Lindeque, writer and founder of Good Things Guy, speaking openly about mental health didn’t happen overnight. “It wasn’t one single moment, it was a build-up of experiences,” he says. “I grew up as the ‘fat kid’ – and that voice of self-doubt followed me into adulthood. I was bullied for being different, and that shaped how I saw myself.”
When Brent began sharing his struggles with anxiety, body image, and self-acceptance, something changed. “Every time I share, it takes away some of the power those old voices had. More importantly, it creates a connection. I get messages from people saying, ‘I thought I was the only one’. That’s when I know it matters.”
For Lungelo Mthembu, a 27-year-old software engineer from Johannesburg, the turning point came during a panic attack at work. “I always thought therapy was for other people, people with ‘real problems’,” he says. “Where I come from, you’re told to ‘man up’ and get on with it. But when I had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe, I realised I wasn’t okay. That moment scared me enough to book my first therapy session.”
Therapy, he says, taught him that vulnerability isn’t weakness. “It’s a tool. It helped me understand that the pressure I was carrying wasn’t mine alone to solve.”
Professor Kopano Ratele, a psychologist at Stellenbosch University, says this shift is critical. “The problem is the ruling model of masculinity. It teaches men to prefer being feared over being loved, to tap into anger more often than compassion, to shut down instead of opening up,” he explains. “But vulnerability is not weakness. To open up, to come out of hiding, to admit your humanity – that takes courage.”
If you’re not sure where to start, clinical psychologist Dr Gregory Mitchell suggests something simple: “Take ten minutes a day to check in with yourself without distractions. Notice how you’re really doing before stress tips into burnout. And remember, reaching out for help is not failure. It’s a sign of strength.”
Strength isn’t about staying silent. It’s about taking that first small step, sending a message, making a call, booking an appointment, and giving yourself permission to heal.
For advice and support contact the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 0800 21 22 23, SMS 31393, WhatsApp 076 882 2775 or visit www.sadag.org.
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